I'm such a proud Mama Bear!

Hi friends and family. I'm going to be honest here. This one will be longer! There's a lot to share so if you only have 1-2 minutes, you might want to come back later. :)

Friday was a crazy day but one of the best days yet. Before telling you about everything that happened on Friday, let me start by saying that I am a very proud Mommy and Aunt. My children, niece and nephew surpassed my wildest expectations with their visit to the hospital on Friday morning to visit Lena. I know I had posted that this was a huge worry for me. I really thought that the reaction Kira, Naia and Summer (my niece) gave Lena would set the tone and stage for how she faced people and going places for the next days, months or years. They were so damn amazing.

At first, my sister Allison and I didn't think we would manage to get the girls up to the hospital for a visit. In the beginning Lena wasn't ready and then once we found out we were going to be discharged it seemed too late. Kira, Naia and Summer have been attending camp at First United Methodist Church all week and were coming home each evening tired and worn out. Thursday night didn't seem like a good time because they would probably be exhausted and grumpy. However, my sister also told me that when she mentioned how Lena was doing to the girls earlier in the week, Naia responded that Lena wasn't at the hospital. She was home with Mommy. The girls don't have the schema for what a hospital is or what goes on there so they couldn't even visualize what was really happening to their sister. If they came to visit on Friday once they were home, they still wouldn't understand. So Alli and I decided that the kids would miss camp on Friday and instead would sleep in and then come up to visit.

When Allison, Nick, Summer, Kira and Naia arrived on the pediatric floor, they met me in the playroom to talk before going to see Lena. I was so excited to see my girls. I had missed them so much and was waiting by the elevator to snuggle them up as soon as they arrived! Once in the playroom I read them a book called Parker's Brain Storm about a little bear who has a brain tumor. The hospital has a Child Life Department that helps kids understand what's happening to them and also works with siblings to help them understand. I talked to a very nice lady from this department about the best way to explain to the girls what was happening and she gave me a copy of this book. Next, Alli and I showed the girls pictures of Lena so that they would have an idea of how her head and eye looked and would have the opportunity to ask us questions. We also discussed how Lena must be feeling right now and brainstormed things that they could say to make her feel better. We also discussed things that might make her feel bad about what was happening that we didn't want to say. The girls seemed to get it and were anxious to see their "Goo Goo."

When we entered the hospital room, Kira and Summer went right over to see Lena. Kira told her, "You are beautiful Goo Goo" and Lena just smiled. Summer also told her how pretty she looked. Naia hid behind me for a bit. I think the pictures were overwhelming and it was hard for her to think about someone cutting open her sister's head. She did tell her that she had mised her but was a bit hesitant to look at her. We encouraged Lena to get up and walk to the playroom to play with her sisters. At first she was reluctant but finally agreed. Lena's walking had been unsteady and she was swaying quite a bit. I was worried some thing might happen to her in the playroom and she might get hurt. Obviously Mama's overprotective. :)

As soon as we entered the room Kira hopped onto a tricycle. This made Lena want to ride too so I helped her get her leg over the bar and sit down. I really thought, "There's no way she can ride that trike. She can barely walk to this room without wobbling." Boy was I wrong. She took off! Nick stood a bit away and I asked her if she could run him over. I barely saw the girl again! She spent a while chasing down Nick on the tricycle and then she played store with Kira and Summer. They would drive up to the window, order some food and the other one would prepare it in the play kitchen. I thought I was going to burst out in tears. They completely accepted her and she had the first beautiful spontaneous smile I had seen since before the surgery. Lena played with her sisters and cousins for a while and I could almost feel the life and personality of her coming back rushing in to her. It was amazing. I'm sure I'm not even close to expressing the wonder of it all but it was- wonderous. I have no doubt that that hour of time will have a lasting impact on how Lena approaches life from this moment on. Children have the capacity to show so much love and acceptance that doesn't compare to adults. Yes, they can be cruel and mean which I'm sure we will learn first-hand in the months to come. However, for this moment, on this journey, they gave my daughter something that neither Britt or I could give. For whatever reason, Lena's light began to shine bright the moment they entered that room and told her they loved her. Tears are leaking out of my eyes as I sit here writing about this while Lena is a few feet away playing with Barbies and Mermaids in the bath. Someone told me that God would give me the right words and actions when explaining all of this to my other daughters. I'm sure I could have done better but it doesn't matter. There is nothing that could have gone better. If you know Kira and Naia, you also know they have strong willful personalities and say what they feel when they feel it. I am extremely proud of Lena and her courage but I am equally proud of her sisters who gave her confidence, love and complete acceptance.

Sidenote... As I talked to Kira a bit later in the car on the way back from the hospital, we discussed how they would need to take care of Lena and protect her. She responded, "Mommy, if there's a bully... if a bully comes around... if he bullies her... I will... I'll... I will kick him in the butt!" Oh my gosh, I couldn't help but laugh! I almost said, "Kira, we don't use the word butt." Or was about to say, "Kira, we're lovers, not fighters!" Or started to say, "Kira, we don't fight like that." But what came out of my mouth was, "Kira, I love you." Her dad and I looked at each other, smiled and thought to ourselves, It will be okay. They will take care of each other.

Okay, so I won't go on about all the details of our homecoming but yes, we came home Friday afternoon. Lena played with her sisters and cousins for a bit before they left to go back to my sister's. She slept for 12 hours last night and woke up hungry. :) We're all exhausted and trying to get situated at home. However, we are SO glad we are home. Our beds feel good and there isn't someone opening the door every 10 minutes to wake us up. :) It's good to be home with my Angel Baby. We still have a long road ahead but we are heading down that road with our heads held high and our hands holding on to one another's. We're going to not only survive, we will thrive.

We love you all and look forward to seeing you in the next few weeks. We're open to visitors. :) We missed you! Please just call first to make sure we aren't sleeping or at the doctors. We still have lots of appointments and as always, Lena's needs come first. Much love to you friends and family- Holi

My friend Gayle's son passed away earlier this week at 30 years old. I just want to express my sympathy and love for Gayle and her family. My heart is breaking for you. Nobody can imagine what you are feeling. No one can even get close. I think we try not to think too hard because it is unbearable to imagine. All I could see on your friend's faces today was that they love you so much and would do anything for you. Their hearts were breaking, their tears were flowing and their prayers were surrounding you and lifting Kerry up. I just want you to know we love you and Lena is excited to come visit soon. :)